he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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