What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
