I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize