i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
