i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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