I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
