is your mom at the bar?
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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