i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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