WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
