I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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