Someone shit on the floor
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
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