Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
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