If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
