I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
