just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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