watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My penis needs a shock collar
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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