did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Randomize
