I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
