in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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