No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
