I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You ruined the universe
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
