i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
