My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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