We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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