I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
