I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
