you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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