You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
