I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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