so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
