so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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