I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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