I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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