I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize