Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i came on her dog
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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