dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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