put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
