I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
