I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
