I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
