im so drunk with asians
where?
always
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
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