actually, I'm a sock model
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I can't put those talents on a resume
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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