guys are only as good as the porn they watch
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
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