When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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