two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
