upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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