2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Two words: nipple clamps
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