I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
