I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
