Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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