so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
ttyl tear gas
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
