I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
