did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
