She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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