I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
