So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
