I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
