yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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