did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
