also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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