I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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