There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
