i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
