"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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