i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
