Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
