Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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