We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
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