i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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