I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
