i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
